My dad couldn't sleep the night before, he felt slightly bloated, and he drove himself to the doctor in the morning. My cousin and bro rushed down.. apparently he has some kinda hernia and might need to be admitted into hospital for a surgery. omfg.. 'bloat' & 'hospital' is synonymous with 'Gleneagles' and 'ICU' to me.. I know i'm over reacting but i think i might just slit my wrists if sth happened to him.

And of cos, my head tells me i will not do that.

These few days, i will come home at 3 in the morning to take a shower b4 heading back to the wake. Last night it drizzled as i walked out.. I grabbed an umbrella as i strolled back. And all of a sudden i thought i heard her voice again. I found myself tearing so i lowered my umbrella just to keep that knowledge to myself.

It's kinda amazing. i only told 2 plt mates n isaac abt my mother. And word sorta got around to my vj frens, cat high frens n even pri sch frens. Ppl i was once close to, but lost contact with (bcos of ocs... i think) Ppl from alll the way back.. ppl who actually met my mum many times b4.. spoken to her.. ppl who had tried her cooking.. Some of their numbers, i don't even have in my phone.

Every night some buddhist monks come to do some prayer thing for her. And of cos, i'll be involved though i totally do not believe in all these. I'm very skeptical of their chants, their sprinkling of ,wat it seems to me, plain water. their irregular striking of that wooden whatsthat that buddhist monks carry with them. And my bro will tell me to do it for her. That night, as i was trying to concentrate and to focus, a cockroach crawled out of the cassock that the monk nearest to me was wearing.. it frolicked a little across his back b4 flying away.. I tried my best not to lol. So i looked at her photo again. And then i felt miserable again. My emotions fluctuate randomly.