It has been so long.
Didn't want to come back to this blog. For all that had happened. That i'd blogged. That i don't want to remember. Yet i do, every day.
I don't think i'll recover. Nor will i get over it. or move on. Like people think i have.
Cos it's so hard. It really is very hard.
Not a blow after which i can bounce back.
My moods have been unstable. And i've been snapping at people.
I'm so sorry. Not myself.

Haven't been doin anything constructive. Just holing myself up. And jap classes.
Yeah. jap. A chance to breathe. A vestige of what i was n wat i had before .

I kinda miss ocs more than the average person. Cos tt was the only period of time since i was 13 that she wasn't ill. When my brother returned from canada. Where i had the slightest semblance of a healthy family.

I really don't want to gripe.

But tt kinda has become me.
wow. some of the people reading this actually sent me mail.
Yeah i actually thought those fishes could help me.
Every single one has died.
Things die around me.

And there are no pictures cos i'm no longer presentable
What is the point of being vain.
She was vain. it kills me every single time i think of how she looked at the end.
I was supposed to go Hongkong. Not your wake.
You asked me to buy u pretty clothes. shoes. n bags.

I'm not talking to my dad.
Cos his son is too weak.
No he doesnt think that. i think he thinks im possessed or sth.